Thursday, June 4, 2009


As the nights go on and the day's blend together you start to realize how wild life is. How quickly things can change and how much of a roller coaster it is. Up and down, left and right, with shit thrown at you in every direction. Its kind of hard to cope with everything around you. Especially when you try to mentally run from it. It's very easy to fake a smile and pretend like you don't care. On the other hand, it isn't easy to deal with the pain that builds up inside and the frustration. I realize that for the 21 years ive been living I have taken a lot for granted and basically took the point of life with a grain of salt. Ignorant and close minded I kind of walked all over everything that was given to me. Life isn't easy and I haven't taken any shortcuts to help myself out. You can only dig so deep until you completely bury yourself. I'll put it to you this way, with the way I have lived I've died 8 times and pulled myself out of a hole and I have one life left. That's the life that im living now. Pressure can really get to your head and turn you into someone you don't want to be. Depression and anxiety can affect everyday life so much that its almost unbearable. They say you can't go backwards and change things that you have done but god dammit I wish I could. It's seriously awful the way I ran my life and the things I put my parents through. I see the kids that I grew up with and the people around me doing the same shit for the past 6 years. Everyone gets so self absorbed into a routine that they can't pull themselves out of it. Do I want to change? Yes. What do I want to change? My rapid thinking patterns and my impulsive attitude. I throw away hope for anything way to fast and that brings me to a place where I really don't like to venture. If I only could figure out this long road I would pack up my things and go. Leave a dusty trail behind me and the ashes of a life that I once lived along with it. Ill hold my hand out to the ones that loved and to the others that begged I would fail will crumble in the long run. A new road and a new life. This is to the old memories that torture me and the terrible things ive done. New road hold high hopes as I pack up my things and go...

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