2 Weeks Sober Motherfucker

As I begin this long journey to stay clean it has done nothing but help me. Its great waking up in the morning and saying "hey I feel fucking great" rather than feeling miserable 2 or 3 times out of the week. Im honestly so excited right now because cutting it out cold turkey is probably the best thing that I could have possibly done. Now for one I wasn't an alcoholic by any means. I just liked to drink. A lot. I know for a fact I was a binge drinker for sure. Fuck it im not denial. I had a problem and im taking care of it. And to be honest I think It's just a cop out and shelled out who I really was for the most part. Its all ive known since I was like 16 and thats fucking sad. I personally dont want to waste anymore of my life. I don't knock anyone who drinks or does drugs or whatever. Hey its your world, live it. Im at the point in my life where that shit isn't for me. I guess I abused it so much that being "fucked up" just got real played out and corny. Life's been good to me lately. I just had an awesome rootbeer float and im pretty tired. Time to head to bed and let Deathcab For Cutie shut my eyes. Intervention Karebear is going as smooth as it can. FTW.RTF.

-Bear

Well this weekend was just a delight let me tell you. Friday was the ETOWN CONCRETE reunion at Starland Ballroom. Now I had very low expectations going into this show for a few reasons. Reason number one being that it was at Starland Ballroom and ETC draws some of the weirdest crowds known to mankind. Wiggers (me), Guidos, Rednecks, and a few hardcore heads. The lineup was completely stacked. ETC, Skarhead, Maximum Penalty, Billyclub Sandwich. Now I know it sounds like I picked that lineup but trust me I didn't. It happened. The show was nothing short of a blast. Worth every sent. Billy Club sounded soo damn full and heavy. Maximum Penalty was some groovey shit. New songs that are coming out on their Reaper release sounded very very tight. Now here comes Skarhead. Wow. They opened with "Juggernaut" and I was hoping they would do the whole song. They didn't but it was still quite the site. Im guessing EZEC was a tad late so they had to stall it for a minute after the intro. When he approached the stage his entrance was nothing short of classic. People went nuts. They brought all their goons with them and had about 20 people on stage. All the antics of a perfect skarhead set happened. Whipping beers off of the stage and all sorts of good stuff. Great set and probably the most fun set of the night. Now here comes ETOWN. They opened with TIME 2 SHINE and that got me siked. The whole set honestly didn't do to much for me due to massive amounts of push mosh from the freaks. Ive seen ETC more than I have seen any other band. Dont get me wrong I sang along to every song they played but Ive seen better sets by them. I lost my shit during the encore. Came back out and played "End Of The Rainbow". Their is still teeth marks in my hand. Sign of a good show. Got lost on the way home somehow even though ive been to this place a hand full of times. Whatever it happens.

Saturday was another good day. Me and april went out to breakfast and I proceeded to take her home because she had work. A good breakfast non the less. Then I drove back home and chilled in for a bit. Made a few basketball bets but nothing big and just stayed inside till about 1030. After I headed over to Joey YCs in edison where tons of wii and hangout happened. It was a really chill night and I got home at 3 am. 

Sunday Suburban Scum had a matinee lined up over at the VFW hall in Denville. We played along side our buddies in Pellinore and Dogpile. A good friend of mine Bobby filled in on bass. Kudos to him for learning the songs somewhat in one practice. We had a really good time at the show. The venue was pretty sweet. People moshed and moshed and moshed during our set. The walls got broken on both sides. One side was because of the kid who booked the show so I didn't feel as bad as I would have. Still corny though but what can you do. A kid standing on a table next us playing called us clowns and everyone moshing clowns. That was nice of him. I love being called a clown. Ill fuck him in his ass next time I see him since he had such kind things to say about us. Cause you know, I like fucking guys asses and stuff. Anyway long story short it was a good weekend. Woke up today and went to a great diner called Nifty 50s in Philly. Wild shit going on there. Then went up to north JERZ to chill with Ryan Fleshtemple aka (the biggest homo that ever graced this earth). He gave me records and chocolate and we had taco bell. Hes a filthy animal. Stayed sober as a mouse (dont know if mice stay sober) but i did. I feel great. Goodnight ladies and gentleman.

-Bear

FINALLY GOT MY LICENSE

Well well well, I finally got my license. I took my road test yesterday and passed with flying colors. i know its a little ridiculous because im 21 but hey fuck it. You have to start somewhere right. Honestly the feeling I got yesterday driving around by myself is the feeling I should have had at 17. It truly was worth the wait. My first drive was to a wonderful diner to meet up with some Edison goons. Got an awesome rootbear float. Then went back to another goons house and made some delicious food. Got home around 230. I plan on driving to Chicken and Rice in NYC today. Also still on that job hunt. Life will fall into place. I know the picture above isn't clear but fuck it you know what it is. 09 is mine.

Valentines Weekend/Matinee Review/I Suck

Well this weekend was just splendid to say the least. I picked up April on Friday from Metuchen and we headed to my favorite diner "Fountain Blue" which is always incredible. I got a grilled chicken wrap with french fries. Let me tell you. The french fries at this place are next level. Id consider killing someone for grabbing one off of my plate. Well probably not cause thats a little extreme but you catch my drift. April got breakfast, as usual. I swear this girl could eat breakfast 5 times a day and still crave more. Then we strolled home and cuddled the night away. Woke up Saturday and hung around the house a bit before me, her, and Mij went to a friend of ours, Kelsey's, at Temple University. It was a formal so everyone was dressed pretty smooth. Especially Mij in his cold world shirt and hair matted off of the side of his damn head. Needless to say I had a good time. Kelsey's roomate's were all really nice. Hooked it up with all sorts of treats and whatnot and breakfast in the morning. Cant beat that. Took april to a meeting in the morning at her work then headed back to jersey Sunday afternoon.

Once I got home I rushed around and hopped in the shower cause I wanted to make the show without missing any bands. The show was originally supposed to be Ensign, Torchbearer, Black Kites, Staring Problem, To The Fullest, and Plague Bearers but Torchbearer had to drop off due to the drummers lady having a baby. Congrats! Ensign dropped off because the drummer broke his hand the night before. You would think that the headlining band dropping off would effect the draw but it really didn't. 45 people paid and this place is pretty small so it looked packed. Good vibes and friends hanging out. Black Kites stole the show imo. You seriously need to see this band live before you write them off on the recording. Trust me. Jeff is a madman. Really fun to watch. Sounds like a 6 piece when in actuality its only a 3 piece. Staring Problem seemed to play a bit sloppy. Lots of energy though and the Presidents masks were funny. Plague Bearers surprised the shit out of me. The bassist weirded me out in a good way if that makes any sense. They played really tight. Looking forward to seeing more of them.

After the show I dropped dumbass Ryan Teal off and sped home cause I didn't want to leave april waiting any longer. Came home. Had dinner. Rested, layed around you know the deal. Straight chilled and there's nothing better. Woke up monday did the sammmmmeee thing and it still doesn't get old. I guess because we live so far away from eachother that doing nothing and just being together is enough to pass the time. Yesterday got a little messy but I had an off day. Wasn't feeling like me at all. Kinda zoned out and dumb but whatever. I can say i feel good now. I think this is the first weekend where i didn't text a soul and didn't pay attention to my phone like at all. And i still plan on doing that. I have no desire to talk to anyone lately. Just want to clear my head. Sober in 09. Come fuck with it.

Black Kites "Advancement To Ruins" Preorders

A brother and friend of mine has announced that Pre Orders for the Black Kites LP "Advancement To Ruins" are finally up. Do not sleep please. Album is off the wall and I mean that in ever sense of the term.

ridethefury.bigcartel.com/

www.myspace.com/weareblackkites

www.myspace.com/ridethefury

Life As I Know It. How Im going to change it. Why is this blog here?

Right now life is actually feeling really rough. Out of no where I feel a lot of pressure from every angle as If I'm being strangled by an army of my own thoughts. I have been thinking of ways to get my shit completely together but there's always a vice or something holding me back. Believe me I have a head on my shoulders It's just a matter of using it in a positive light rather than a negative. A lot of problems of my own that I need to squash before I can physically move on and be eternally happy. I'm not gonna say I am a depressed person by any means. A lot of the time people see me and I'm pretty open. I do have a lot of internal issues with myself. A lot of personal "beefs" (haha i just said beefs) that I would really like to get rid of. The only way I can do that is to change the lifestyle that I'm living. As of right now I'm 21, with no license or job. Now if that's not enough to eat you up then Jesus Christ I don't know what is. I owe all these lawyers and probation money from past mistakes which is also a ton to swallow because Ive learned my lesson by now but Uncle SAM likes his hand in my pocket. I have a beautiful girlfriend that I care very much for. That's about one of the only things that holds me together besides a few good friends of mine. I want to provide for her as much as I can and believe it or not we've been together for 9 months and I have up until now. Now its time to switch a few things around.

A lot of people in my family have had very very serious drug and alcohol addiction and problems with substance abuse. Me personally, yes I drink. I have clean urine besides that. Do I drink to much? I don't even think that's a question. Yes I do. I made a pact with myself in 09 that I was going to stay sober. Low and behold I made it 7 days and gave in. Those 7 days were honestly the only time in my life where I felt completely clean and semi- in touch with myself. After those 7 days the downward spiral began. I began drinking, again. Lost in all my emotions, again. Its almost as If I'm running from the things that I truly need to take care of. I love having fun but there's a point and time that you sort of have to draw the line before its too late. A lot of members in my family didn't know where to draw the line and now look. First cousins are heroine addicts. Father has to take the train to work because of DUI'S. Aunt who's addicted to pain medication and the list goes on. I really really don't want this to be my future at all. The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one. I may have a bit of a problem. Not so much alcoholism by any means. More or less binge drinking and not knowing how to control myself or stop. 

I truly consider this a huge step forward in my life. I don't know why I had this epiphany this morning and the past week but i have. I really dont want to live my life like this anymore what so ever so I'm going to change it. I guess this is the time where I find out who the real friends are and who "the drinking bro" buddies are. Wounds heal with time and this time Im not taking the bandage off. Seriously all or nothing right now. I have my road test scheduled for this Wednesday and am practicing parallel parking with the one, the only, MIJ on monday and tuesday. Mr Cortez will be providing me a car for Wednesday. Ive already got on the job hunt. Planning on going back to school after the summers through. Suburban Scum is writing some ill shit and THE APOCOCOLYPSE (not scum shit at all) is coming in July. I have a good relationship that is being rebuilt day by day and is very strong. Summer is coming up and life is to be enjoyed and not completely wasted. I made this blog because I love writing in general and its very therapeudic. Why not? Ill constantly update this with progress, weekend reviews, show reviews, band reviews. Anything honestly. Its my blog not yours. Now is the time for me to rise to my feet. Wipe the spit from my face, whip the tears from my eyes. LOL get it. A HATEBREED reference. Speaking of Hatebreed, "Satisfaction Is The Death Of Desire" may be the hardest record ever written. I stand by that. Kiss me. 

-Bear